Life used to be very colourful wif u but not now anymore. Just like sheng yang say i totally lost my soul. And i think i won't be able to find my soul back anymore...

This part is dedicated for her:

I know i cause u disturbance in ur life and i sincerely say sorry to u. Hope u accept my apologies. I know things have change and even urself are changing. But u just change drastically or i should say that friday night. U just totally change. I just don know wat to do now. I feel like i lost everything overnight. Ever since the posting result is out, i become moodless and i don expect things to change so rapidly u know. I nv feel any happy getting my dream course. I think i can nv be a happy person anymore.

I know somehow u don't wish to hurt him but den u indirectly hurt me so much. I nv give up on u or feel wasting time waiting for u but you just give me up. Chance is always NEVER knock at my doors. Or maybe i not tat good for u. I oso don know y? U make me open up my heart u know which i used to be so msytery that i willing to open my heart just for u yet u r doing this to me. U know its really hurt me so much tat friday night. It totally change my perception in life.

I won't give up waiting for u becos u r the only 1 which i fall in love so deeply. And no one will replace u in my heart. I hope u won't forget me and i sincerely wish u all the best in ur studies and in life. I will continue to wait for u. Maybe 1 day my 19th birthday wish will cum true. I just hope to fulfill all my promises made to u and hope that maybe 1 day i can fulfill it.

I just miss you very much the things we used to do, the place we used to go, i just miss every momentand every single thing spent wif u... Which i think i can't be the same anymore ba. I really hope all this was this a dream to me but i was not somehow. Consider a bad dreams for me... I just can't live my life without u by my side. I know i don deserve any chance. This is just wat my personal views and feeling. ____________________________________________________________________________________

For the past few days, i was thinking of becoming a monk cos i lost my soul to continue on wif my life and i need enlightenment in life. I was even thinking of quitting my studies and go tibet or some other country to become a monk. Sheng yang say is good to become a monk and i totally agreed wif it. I just need enlightenment. I won't say wanna die anymore cos i don wan to avoid it or give excuses anymore. Its really a bad habit to give excuses all the time. And i hope everyone don give anymore excuses. I won't do foolish things anymore. Don't write on my tagboard say being a monk is a foolish act ok. I will smack ur head.