Question for all of u who see my blog. Am i a bad person? Did i do wrong? Where did i went wrong? Please tag me at my tagboard if u wan to answer it. Thanks

Wat i done so far is not enough or she just don appreciate it. Its really hurt me when they is no reply receive. I ask her whether she will reply me or wat. N she say yes. But den i don see it. Or she just bluff me. Maybe i just a very bad person which no one wan to see me. They just fuck u off when they don need u anymore. when they need u, they will talk to u. Treating us like dirt. U like den u call us. Don't like den avoid u or no reply. Wat r u treating me like. A dirt in ur eyes?

Everyday i just don feel like waking up. Feel like sleeping till i don wan to wake up and see this world, people anymore. I can't take it anymore. I going crazy man. I really don know how to continue on like this. No one can save me ba even myself i think i oso can't. Hope u still remember all the promises tat we made. I still haven realise any so please don forget. Maybe u have forgotten, but i will nv. Maybe someday i will have de chance to realise it. N i hope i really have the chance to realise it.

我真的不想忘记你!

I know everyone is encouraging me to move on wif my life. I just can't. I miss everything abt her. Miss the time spent wif her, see her everyday in school, doing projects together, sending her home, eating lunch or dinner wif her, going out wif her. I just miss her everything tat we used to do. I miss her presence. I even miss that morning very much. I n her still have many things haven do yet. I think she forget all the promises already. I won't forget the promises de. 舍不得

Everything has change and i really cannot take it anymore... Breaking down soon and i really don know wat to do now. Haiz... Don feel like living in this world maybe i shouldn't have born. I don know how to continue on wif my life and studies... Really feel like quitting school.

I'm useless in everyone eyes ba. i feel helpless now. I fall into it too deep liao. No one can help me de even myself oso can't help myself. I can nv be a happy person in front of all of u liao. even if i seem happy i just wearing a mask in front of u guys....

我还能做什么, 我一直都爱着你 难道这还不够.
我还要做什么 你才不离开我?

If life is a game, i totally lost it and even myself....

I think she change alot ever since we study poly. Got new friends den become like tat. Not the usual she tat i used to know. And i think she seem to avoiding me. Nvm i just lost my fighting spirits to continue my study anymore liao and i thinking of quitting liao. And please don come and ask me y or wat. Please. Let me be alone

I just feel like crying now. After all i still lonely. Anyway just one word to describe me useless ba... I change my name to useless. No matter how much i done, is still not enough ba compare to him rite. After all, i still not given any chance. I always nv stand a chance ba i guess. Now everythings seem meaningless to me... I don feel like living anymore. Maybe my friend jia hui is rite, we shouldn't have come into this world. If i can choose i rather not to be born.

原来这才是真的你, 无法掌握自己的心, 偶尔又选择逃避. 忘了什么叫做珍.

你不在 当我最需要爱.

Can my life be the same life like in the past? I doubt so... Everyone keeps changing from one environment to another. Making new friends in poly and ignore ur friends tat we used to be very close... Tat wat i m observing now.

Everyone just forget their friends which they used to be very close in school or at work or at play. N now become a "Hi bye" friends only. Sending a msg to ask how r u or wat n sad to say some just ignore it... Not even wanting to reply it and some just don take the initative to send a gentle msg to friends. They just forget or i can say that they just trying to forget their old friends.

Lets not talk abt this anymore. I survive in SP 1 week liao but den i still feel sad in my heart le... Some may know y. Many qns in my heart still left unanswer le... many doubts to it.... I don know i can survive 3 yrs or not le.... I still struggling... Is not the modules tat make me feel like giving up is just some reason lo. Haiz. Make new friends and forget old friend is just wat i wan to say today.... Haiz... Did I make the right choice? i really have no idea. Every single day, we are make a decision. How do we know we made the correct 1?

I know many will say don give up this course. Becos not many ppl are given the chance to study poly and i shouldn't give up so easily. How many ppl are given the chance? Sometimes god give us chance but do other ppl given the chance 2? I really don know other ppl will give me chance or not but everyone should be given at least a chance rite... Y i don deserve any? Izzit becos of my character or wat.

I wish i can always be the happy person everytime i saw u but den i think u can't see me happy anymore. Too many doubts unsolve... I can't nv be the same anymore.......

I don't know who will see my blog but wat i writing down here is just my thought... This is my blog so wat i wan to write is my personal thought. I know there is no privacy.

I really don know wat to do now. Totally no mood to do anything for the past 2 weeks. Some of u may know the answer. How i wish the time can stay at 14 March 2008. I totally lost the movitation to continue my studies. I know many friends advised me to continue but i really lost the movitation liao how??? How i wish is her to give me encouragement to continue even though we are not from the same institution... N maybe she can say we can meet after her class or wat maybe for dinner or wat le... N let me feel at ease... Haiz... should i continue studying??? Or should i become a PHD (poly halfway dropout) I think i becoming one soon....

Somehow i feel like she avoiding me or wat. Or maybe got someone else she like already? I'm just not a good person ba in everyone's eyes. Feel like dying man... I can't control myself anymore. "CHANCE" who will deserve a chance? Even an ex-convict deserve a second chance. I always nv deserve a chance in love. I just don wish to give up waiting for her. I just wan to cherish her n take care of her. N i just don deserve any chance after all. Haiz... I'm just a lonely person wif no one love and care... Lonely in this world. I hate myself. hate everything in this world. Y is there such thing call love. Hate everything.... Let me vanish in this world ba u won't see me anymore.

There's only one word can describe my feeling now "moodless". Ever since i got my posting result i don't know should feel happy or sad. But wat i know now is sad. Even though i got in to my dream course but i still not happy le.... Haiz :-(.... I totally lost the movitation to continue my studies without her... Should i carry on studying??? I have no idea now... Right now i still quite sad inside my heart.

On 2 Apr, we got our ITE final semenster result. I got gpa of 3.688 and on the following day we will know our poly posting result.

On 3 apr, we finally know our posting result. At that time, my mind is like wat m i going to do? Accept the offer or go serve NS first? That the question which my friend had already warned me to make a decision before the result is out but i nv did... My heart is struggling... Den consult many friends and oso my mom... All tell me to study first becos i given the chance to study poly... So i decide to study first as it a rare opportunity... But deep down inside my heart, i feel sad... When i heard that most of my classmates went to NP, i totally sian dao lo... Call NP to ask for appeal but they say no more vacancy n ask me to stay put in SP. Again sian dao lo haiz....

Ever since i know the posting result, i have no mood to do anything. Even went out to shopping oso no mood to shop le haiz... I think my mom know i'm sad cos she ask me whether did i regret making this decision. I wanted to say yes but den i say Don't know... I totally lost the moviation to carry on studying... Who can help me?

I wish is her....